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About Student Artist Kiara23/Female/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 5 Years
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No Escape
In the dying of evening the spirits mourn,
The memories resurface and take over.
Making it difficult to think about anything else,
Soon the numbing sensation will appear.
That is the ultimate hope.
Every thought revolves around the main source of her pain,
She cries herself to sleep hoping one day she will forget everything.
These tears, they are caused by the realization of all that was lost,
All that can't be taken back and fixed.
She's a hypocrite, always saying everything happens for a reason,
But she doesn't believe it herself.
Every day is a battle, one that is lost to the memories,
Even in sleep there is no escape.
The dreams were always tainted with memories,
To the point that nightmares seemed much more appealing.
This pain, caused by every memory, was it worse than hell?
She wondered how one part of her past could affect her so much.
"The past makes you what you are."
It repeats itself; as if to give false hopes that the result would be different.
She was told no one could be
:iconsoulofabandonment:Soulofabandonment 0 0
Can't Hide From The Past
"You're following me." The way he said it made it obvious he was being his usual self, the person that had been missing since the incident that ruined everything between him and I.
"I'm not following you, I'm walking with you. There's a difference." He just shook his head, always being so ignorant. We talked as we walked, about nothing in particular. Random things that had no real importance, except to us it did, and as we walked I couldn't help but smile. It was something he was good at, always had been, no mater how hard I tried not to.
"So, why don't you want to go home?" He asked, looking at me intently. I couldn't help but shrug. I didn't want to tell him the real reason, so I made up an excuse that was actually sorta true.
"I don't want to deal with the nine year old right now, she's been annoying me lately."
He looked at me before shaking his head, "That's what little siblings are for, to be a pain. You learn to live with it."
"Like you learn to live without the one person that
:iconsoulofabandonment:Soulofabandonment 0 2
The Mask
I look at you and I see what no one else can see,
I see the real you. The one you hide from everyone.
I never can understand why you do,
The real you is perfect in everyway.
But still, you hide behind this mask you have created.
A mask that I hate, one that has now taken over,
And now I can't tell when you're being you or not.
What happened to make you want to be that person?
Pain does strange things to people, but this is different.
Pain has changed you into someone you're not.
I hate Pain, because he is slowly taking over your life,
And changing you from who you used to be.
If you let go of the pain, will you go back to who you were?
Can you go back to who you were, or have you forgotten?
Pain is ugly on you, Pain is slowly killing you.
Can I save you? Would you let me?
I want to see the old you again, the you that I love.
:iconsoulofabandonment:Soulofabandonment 0 0
Mature content
Fake Smiles :iconsoulofabandonment:Soulofabandonment 0 0
Coming Loss
Take a breath,
Close your eyes,
Try not to cry.
The pain is deep,
Embedded into your soul.
Non-healing and sore.
You know the pain
Will only get worse.
You don't want to,
But you can't ignore
The truth anymore.
What hurts the most?
Even though you are
Neglected and meaningless,
You still yearn for
Their unknowing and lost approval.
You wish for things
To go back
To how they were.
Before the lies,
Before the pain,
Before the coming loss.
:iconsoulofabandonment:Soulofabandonment 0 4
Painful Reminders
I look into your eyes and watch as they light up when you talk about her, the way they used to when you looked at me. Before she came along. Now I'm just the friend who listens instead of being the girl you can't stop thinking about and hate being away from. I miss it sometimes, but other times I'm glad to have gotten out without too many scars from you. Not many scars but there were many wounds inflicted by you, wounds that seem to burn when I'm around you. As if just being next to you reminds them of what happened.
The pain is harsh, hard to obliterate. I try to forget all the memories I have of us. The memories that creep up on me and drag me into the darkness to deal with the agonizing pain alone. The only way to avoid the memories is to keep my mind from allowing itself to wander to the times when you knew me better than I knew myself. When it wanders I end up thinking about you and the past.
The past that, at the time it happened, had seemed so sweet now is a burden that is burne
:iconsoulofabandonment:Soulofabandonment 0 0
I close my eyes and hope to see you.
The thought of you is burned into my skull,
But the memories are slowly fading.
I long to let them take over,
I'm weak and can't help but break down my walls
Only for you.
"It's not worth it."
The words said to me most play through my mind as
The memories flash by like pictures in a slideshow.
The memories make the pain go away, momentarily.
I know the pain will come back, more excruciatingly,
But I'm weak.
Can you blame me?
You were my first love, the one who first had my
You promised to keep it safe, you said you wouldn't
Break it.
I gave it to you for safekeeping, but you abused it,
You gave it back crushed, broken, and barely beating.
Now I have to deal with the scars.
Of all the scars, I hate the ones from you most.
They burn, they hurt, but most of all,
They remind me of you.
:iconsoulofabandonment:Soulofabandonment 1 0
Shining Star
You were my shining star,
But now you're just a burning scar.
You're eyes once shone so bright,
Making everything feel all right.
Now I feel the weight of all the pain
Smashing into me like a raging train.
I watched you walk away,
Wishing I could convince you to stay.
The pain is all I fear,
Now that I've already lost all those tears.
Trying to forget
But all I get
Is the burning of my scar,
Which reminds me of my shining star.
:iconsoulofabandonment:Soulofabandonment 0 0
Who We Are
Life isn't about finding yourself.
Life is about creating yourself
Isn't it ironic?
We ignore who adores us,
Adore who ignores us,
Love who hurts us,
And hurt who loves us.
I've built a wall
Not to block anyone out,
But to see who loves me enough
To climb over it.
:iconsoulofabandonment:Soulofabandonment 0 2
Find Me
If only the silence could find me,
I could forget everything;
The pain, regret, but most of all-
The loss.
If only I could get my mind to
Shut Up.
Is it possible?
Darkness creeps on me,
In all my thoughts.
"Go away!" I wish I could shout,
But if I did it wouldn't help.
I want to feel numb,
I want to find the silence.
My mind won't let me win.
If only the silence could find me.
:iconsoulofabandonment:Soulofabandonment 1 2


  • Listening to: Payphone by Maroon 5
  • Reading: N/A
  • Watching: Friends
  • Playing: N/A
  • Eating: Cinnamon Rolls
  • Drinking: Root Beer
[] the dark
[x] staying single forever
[x] being a parent
[] giving birth
[] open spaces
[/] closed spaces (Depends on the situation)
[x] heights
[] dogs
[] birds
[] fish
[x] spiders
[] flowers or other plants
[] being touched
[/] fire
[] deep water
[] silk
[] the ocean
[x] failure
[] success
[] thunder/lightning
[] frogs/toads
[] my girlfriend's/boyfriend's dad
[] my girlfriend's/boyfriend's mom
[] rats
[x] jumping from high places
[] snow
[] rain
[] wind
[] crossing hanging bridges
[] death
[ ] heaven
[x] being robbed
[] falling
[x] clowns
[x] dolls
[x] large crowds of people
[] men
[] women
[x] having great responsibilities
[] doctors, including dentists
[] tornadoes
[] hurricanes
[x] incurable diseases
[] sharks
[] Friday the 13th
[] ghosts
[] poverty
[] Halloween
[] school
[] trains
[] planes
[] odd numbers
[] even numbers
[x] being alone
[x] becoming blind
[x] becoming deaf
[] growing up
[/] creepy noises in the night (When no one else is around)
[] bee stings
[x] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[x] needles (Only when they are next to/ going into skin.)
[/] blood (only if it involves a sharp object)
[] dinosaurs
[] the welcome mat
[] high speed
[] throwing up
[x] falling in love
[] super secrets
[] my girlfriend/boyfriend



If you wish to post this in your journal, it's been requested that you title it "I'm afraid of _ out of 73 common fears".

If you get more than 30, I strongly recommend some counseling.
If you get more than 21, you're paranoid.
If you get 11-20, you are normal.
If you get 10 or less, you're fearless.
If you get 0, you're lying


Soulofabandonment's Profile Picture
Artist | Student
United States
I use writing as my escape, I have found that when I write I can often figure things out better than when I just try to deal with it. I don't often share my writing with others because my writing is very personal, I write from what I'm feeling. I usually keep myself blocked in and rarely show emotion unless its excitement or happiness.


Add a Comment:
stargirl141 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
thanks for the fave, Kia! (I hope I spelled that right) XD
Soulofabandonment Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012  Student
You're welcome. :)
Haha you spelled it right.
stargirl141 Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
haha, yay!
Soulofabandonment Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2012  Student
Haha :)
(1 Reply)
stargirl141 Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
thanks for the fave. :) how'd ya find me? XD
Soulofabandonment Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2012  Student
Boredom strikes me and I find out crazy things. xD
stargirl141 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
haha, nice
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